A funny thing happened...

A funny thing happened…

I am aware that when ministers have been ordained as many decades as I have they have a myriad of stories about many facets of ministry.  Some of these stories have been filled with sadness and sorrow.  But, in this posting I share with my readers some of the stories that continue to not only bring smiles but rounds of almost uncontrollable laughter.  So here are a few of those stories.

One of the first stories comes before I was ordained, serving as a supply preacher from seminary.  It was the days before “Google Maps” so estimating mileage between seminary and a church was dependent on gas station maps.  In planning for a Sunday preaching event, I had underestimated the distance by some 60 miles.  My wife and I drove and drove and the time got shorter and shorter.  In addition, the gas tank was getting more and more empty while my rent on my coffee was becoming due.

We made a quick stop about 10 miles from the church where my wife purchased a few gallons gas and I made a visit to the rest room.  We hurried on to the church and pulled up in front just as the choir was lining up to process up the aisle.  Wearing my clerical collar, I grabbed my sermon, walked up the steps, took my place next to the elder who was liturgist and walked down the aisle as if it had been planned hat way.  We walked in as if I had been there for an hour.

Lesson learned: The Boy Scout motto applies to the ministry: always “Be Prepared.”

Worship in the outdoors can always be exciting.  The church in the small rural community in which I first served decided that once a month during the summer we would worship in the town park.  We had set up for the Lord’s Supper in the Town Park shelter and begun worship just as we heard the increasing sound of a low flying aircraft.  On each side of the one road into the park there was a field of sweet corn and that was the day the local canning plant decided the sweet corn was just right for picking and canning.

Prior to the picking, the fields were aerial dusted to drive out the ear worms, which were not needed for extra protein in the canned corn.  The growing sound of a low flying aircraft was the crop duster about 6 feet above the tops of the corn with its dust dispenser on full force.  There was no worry about being dusted, but at the end of the field were two trees closer together than the wingspan of the plane.  If the plane crashed, the one road into the park would be blocked and the volunteer fire fighters would be unable to get to their favorite fire truck.  Over half the department, including myself, were at the service.

What happened?  The plane turned on one wing tip, flew sideways between the trees, flew a half loop, performed an Immelman turn (roll off the top; half loop, half roll) returned and flew again sideways between the trees.

Several years ago we were back at that church for a celebration.  Everyone remember the crop duster event.  No one, including the minister, remembers the sermon.

Lesson learned: They won’t always remember the sermon, but they will remember the corn.

As third story comes from the urban church I served for over a dozen years.  Our sons were preschoolers when we went to that church.  My wife was singing in the choir and the preacher’s sons were assigned to sit with certain members of the congregation.  One son was assigned to sit with a husband and wife who were retired teachers.  The other son was assigned to sit with two sisters who were “old maid” retired teachers.

One Sunday, in the middle of my sermon, our younger son could not decide whom he was going to sit with during worship.  Thus he was running back and forth across the front of the sanctuary, under the pulpit, trying to decide where to sit.  The congregation was getting more and more uneasy

I leaned up over the pulpit as our son ran in front of the pulpit and in a deep commanding, parental voice said: “Kirk, SIT DOWN.”  It worked, the congregation relaxed and Kirk sat down.  He does not remember the event, but today he serves as a ruling elder in an Italian/Haitian congregation.

Lesson learned:  Don’t hesitate to take charge when needed in worship.  That is the task of a worship leader.

Presbyterians have been called the “frozen chosen.”  But it doesn’t have to be that way.

-- Dr. Ron Patton, H.R.